The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
