woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
