i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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