the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
