I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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