Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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