Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
