if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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