I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
