worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
