So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
