; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
