Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize