why do cheetos always look like penises
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
