somebody snuck up and got me drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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