and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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