absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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