I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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