sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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