he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
