I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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