pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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