Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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