Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
