Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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