But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
