It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
