Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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