I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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