My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
