fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
