just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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