i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
dude. I can hear the air.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
