i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
