I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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