I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize