Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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