I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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