Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
