Your dad touched me again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
