i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
