made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
