Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
