sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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