She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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