Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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