i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
