her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
