he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
