Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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