tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
