no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
