the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
