I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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