I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
