I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
