it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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