If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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