"it" just moved
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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