the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
God, I missed his penis.
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