Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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