did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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