I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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