I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
