So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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