the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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