How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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