I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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