I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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