I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
